Monty in May

Oh Good Grief! The boy’s a lunatic. Scared of tadpoles. Scared of the TV. Scared of the TV’s reflection. Scared of his own reflection in the window and in the mirrors on the fence outside. If you’d seen him dipping his paw toes into the pond you’d have howled with laughter. Then, just as he was getting a bit better, he sees the tadpoles and exits the pond shaking his paws. I couldn’t stop laughing.

I’ll be having a quiet little snooze in front of the telly and he’ll come in barking wildly at it. Pam and Ewen try to tell him it’s okay. Then he turns round and starts barking at the TV reflection in the window. The mirrors on the back fence are ridiculous. He stands barking at himself until Pam or Ewen tell him to be quiet. I’ve tried to tell him it’s his own reflection but he’s convinced it’s another dog. I give up. Okay, he was brave when we had thunder and lightning the other night. I don’t like it, I have to admit. I used to be fine but then Morgan told me the sky was falling in and I got scared. Morgan was always looking for a safe place to huddle so if the sky fell in he’d be okay. I did mention the sky was falling in to Magnus but either he didn’t hear me or he doesn’t know what the sky is yet. The latter is probably the case. He’s been a bit slow at picking up on things he’s not interested in. Always wants to do things his way, won’t listen to advice.

Magnus has also started stealing my favourite spots. Now, obviously, we are both big dogs, so we like the same sorts of comfort areas. However, I do wish he’d find his own places and stop stealing mine. The couch in the wee sitting room has been mine for eight years and this upstart comes in and takes it off me. The couch in the studio is the same. And he has the audacity to get up on the bed in the early hours of the morning. It’s just not good enough! Insubordination I call it.

And then there are the glasses……………….I cannot speak because this is due to Pam and Ewen, but really. Sunglasses for dogs! What next? I certainly won’t be walking closely to him if he’s wearing them.

Magnus in May

It’s been a while since I put my thoughts of growing up down. It’s been a bit of a month or two. First of all She went away. (She is called Pam, Monty assures me) She went to Spain. Some big hill blew up and it meant She couldn’t get home. She and some friends drove across Spain and France to get a ferry home. Anyway, when she got back Pam started working on what was causing my itchy eyes. We’ve narrowed it down to wool, bark chips and pine trees. Now I have to have a cotton pillow stuffed under my head if I lie down anywhere. They’ve lifted the big, soft woolly rug in the bedroom and retiled the kitchen. Not only that they’ve patioed the garden and put pebbles down instead of bark. Life is no fun. Can’t dig up the garden anymore, can’t chew the carpet and rub my nose along it and I’m not allowed to scratch myself along the walls or the furniture. I keep getting my face washed as well. That’s great and I enjoy that. I’m not nearly as itchy now and I’m not taking so many pills.

Had a strange experience the other day. We were walking on the golf course (Ewen’s favourite place) when we came to this big watery pond thing. Monty went straight in and started showing off, splashing about. I was about to do the same when something moved in the water. There were lots of these funny little black things moving about in there. I wasn’t having that. Removed my paws immediately. They might bite. Monty thought it was very funny and rolled about in the grass laughing. I suppose he might have been trying to dry himself off a bit but I don’t think so. I was quite hurt. He forgets I’m much younger than him and haven’t seen what he has. Don’t know what they were. And then, later on, Ewen told everyone I was frightened of tadpoles. I don’t know what are tadpoles are but I’m sure I’ll find out one day. Seems I’m scared of a lot of things. There’s this big flat thing in the house and sometimes things start to move around on it and it gets noisy. It’s quite bright and it can be scary too. Then there’s Grant and the man next door. I give them regular good woofing but I try to keep away from them. I like lying at the window and looking out. If anyone goes past they get woofed at too. It’s a bit different if they come into the house but from the outside I’m sure I look tough.

Then there are the Doggles. Because I keep scratching my eyes they’ve come to the conclusion I have a contact allergy. So I’ve got a natty pair of Doggles. Now, to save myself feeling like a total berk, these are issued to dogs with the American army, in Iraq and Afghanistan. Our eyes get damaged by UV rays just as much as humans, and the sand and grit must be a pest so they get to wear their Doggles. They look cool and tough. I personally think I look great and look much like some famous cartoon dog who drove a car. Monty just laughs. He’ll grin on the other side of his muzzle when he gets something in his eye.

I’ve been out for longer walks now. Not really long walks, like Monty has but I’m getting to stretch my legs a bit. Uncle Gavin has been really good with my training. He used to be police dog trainer…………..think I’ve mentioned this before. I’ll sit, lie down, fetch and leave now. I do this because treats are generally involved. I’ve also stayed with Ray and Lexi for a few hours. Lexi says I have to stop looking at her as if she was a bone. I like sitting in their garden, looking over the fence, at all the other dogs going past. If they come too close they have to get a woofing but most don’t come near. If Gloria’s there she’ll rush over to say hello. She comes to the beach with us. Pam gave her one of my bones recently. It was as big as her. She kept annoying her people by burying it and then digging it up. I think it was where she buried it that was the problem.

There is a big dog in the back garden. He always looks right at me and always barks at me the same time as I woof at him. I must be brave because he always goes away and never comes into the garden. When I go back into the house he goes away. I think he’s too scared to come into the garden because I’m brave.

I was braver than Monty the other night. We had really big, flashing lights then a really loud noise. I just though it was Ewen dropping something again – he does that a lot! Monty was beside himself. Kept trying to get into a wee space. Shook. Ah-ha! He’s not so brave after all.