I'm Mirren a Scottish Dear Hound my 1st post....

My name is Mirren and I was born in October 2010, in Ayr. My Mum was called Tilly and I had seven litter-mates. All was well, untilJanuary 16^th 2011. Some of my brothers and sisters had already left. Two people came with a very large, cream dog. He wasn’t in the least interested in me. He was, on the other hand, very interested in my Mum.She wanted nothing to do with him and kept running away. I have a feeling she had enough of men and puppies. Anyway, these were my new owners, Pam and Ewen. I had to go with them now. I was very proud of myself. I sat on Pam’s lap the whole way to my new home. I wasn’t sick and I loved looking out the window. I really wanted to wave a paw at people as we passed by but I don’t think anyone would have seen me I was so little.

I had a new bed and lots of people came to see me that first night. I also found out Ewen had a studio. Now this is a place where people get their pictures taken. It was on that first night I discovered I have a talent for posing. I saw some red velvet and just posed. Pam draped me in a fetching ruby and diamond collar. I looked fabulous.

It was downhill all the way from here for the next few weeks. No one told me I had to go outside to the loo. I would go outside and play with Magnus (the Big guy’s name) and then come in and wee in my favourite places in the kitchen. My absolute favourite place to pee would be on a bed. There’s something really plush about the softness of a downie on your undercarriage. It has the added advantage of soaking up all the wet. Great. Unfortunately, no one else saw things from my point of view. I continued with this practice for several months in the hope I could convert them. But, no, it wasn’t to be.

And now to the Big Guy. Magnus is a wolfhound. He is HUGE. Now most dogs would be worried by his size but I quickly realised he’s a total Woose. He is scared of everything. People, the Hoover, new toys, things!! As a young girl I knew I was on a winner with the bossing thing. I can do anything with him. I can wrap him round my fore claw and he won’t raise a paw in protest. He loves it when I chew his lip or his ear and only gets grumpy when he’s asleep or when I give him a good nipping. I am a Deerhound and should be quiet by I have also discovered the power of barking. I regularly give Magnus a good woofing. He pretends to ignore me but I know I get through eventually. Men need to know their place in this world. Don’t tell him but I do love him to bits. He is my big protector. He lets me cuddle in when I’m tired and he always lets me have the best toys. He tries to catch me when we play but he hasn’t a chance. I am a lot lighter and much faster than Big Boy.

High Bentham

I have discovered holidays. We go in the mobile kennel and Ewen drives us somewhere with new smells. This was my first holiday and I was very good. I didn’t pee in the house and only had a little chew at the sofa. Actually, I was too tired to do much. We found this amazing walk in a place called Ingleborough. Magnus NEARLY went in the water. He’s not one for getting his feet wet. I went into my first pub. Of course Magnus pretended he’d been doing this all his life. He just chilled out on the floor, had a drink or scrounged ice cubes. For some reason or other Wonder Dog seems to get all the attention. I’m sure if people actually looked closer they would see how much better looking I am. It’s his size that does it. People can’t get past his big paws, his big eyes, his big face. Women, of the two-legged variety, want to have hair his colour. Personally I can’t see why. Pam is very close to him in hair colour. I am dark, curly, grey. If Ewen had more hair he might me more like me. I frequently check myself out in the mirror and I think I am very attractive but he keeps getting the attention, Magnus that is, not Ewen. I even watch Pam putting on her make up in the morning to see if I can beautify myself too. I usually try not to laugh and sometimes I have to get off the bed and leave. Bless, she tries her best.

Cotswolds.

Okay this is really ridiculous. We are on another holiday. This time to the Cotswolds. Great walks and a fabulous, very dog friendly, pub. We visited Stow-on-the –Wold, Bibury, Stratford-on-Avon ( Why are so many English towns hyphenated?) At all of these places Magnus stopped traffic. People wanted their picture taken with him. I was MORTIFIED. Here I am, a good-looking bit of stuff and EVERYONE wants Magnus’s picture. Fantastic. What can a girlie do? Generally I just sat down and tried to look as if I was above all this paparazzi stuff. Got my own back in Bourton-on the-Water (see what I mean?) A car did a U turn and stopped in a wee ford. A woman jumped out and shrieked about how beautiful I was. Okay she had a dog that looked a lot like me but smaller. Obviously not a full pedigree Deerhound, but close. I felt I had one back then. Of course, Magnus had to go one better and the next day he caused an accident. Some woman was walking backwards, wittering on about how he was magnificent and that she had to look at him again, then she fell off the pavement and did her ankle in and hurt her elbow. I could not show any sympathy for her or for Magnus’s embarrassment. We also met Pam’s sister. Linda looks more like me. Tall, dark, elegant. Obvious taste. Pity In couldn’t get more time with her. She’d buy me a diamond collar.

February

I am no longer a puppy. Just had my first season. Pam put pants on me but I took them off very quickly. I am NOT going out looking like that. It was all very easy. Pam kept asking me if I needed a hot water bottle and did I feel weepy or bad tempered. Did feel in need of a lot of affection but that was about it. Even Magnus was nice to me. That was until the other day. I decided to give him a good woofing when were out on a walk and try to get him to chase me. He wouldn’t do what I wanted him to do so I kept yapping away. All of a sudden he lifted his paw, his BIG, HUGE paw and decked me one across the chops. I was barkless. Stunned. Didn’t know what to do. I quickly checked that no one had seen the event (only EWEN) and really woofed at him again. He can’t get away with behaviour like that. No one paw slaps Mirren without trouble! Ignored him for the rest of the walk. He’s not getting away with that. I’d bite him on his tender bits but he hasn’t any. Ah ha. He’s been done. No balls!! Serves him right.

I miss Monty ....... ( Magnus's 5th post)

I realised something was wrong with Monty when he started to pee blood. I did think he smelt differently too. He could still run away from me but not as fast. Ewen was awfully sad and Pam kept whimpering that it was so unfair so soon after Morgan. We went to the beach one day. It was snowing heavily. We ran about on the sand and Monty ran about in the sea. I was still not sure of it and he tried to get me to go in. He told me a lot that day. We ran on the beach and chased each other over the golf course. Then we ate raw venison. Pam thought this would be good for Monty and that he was, after all, mostly Deerhound. I wasn’t that taken with it. Too gamey. Better cooked. We even had our picture taken in the dunes, both of us wearing our coats. He died a week later.

I miss Monty, even though he ignored me most of the time. Life became a lot quieter. I had the couch to myself for a while: and the studio couch: and the bed. Bliss. Then one day my life changed dramatically. Mirren arrived. Now I totally understand why Monty was so pissed off when I arrived. He was no longer in complete dog control.

From the word, “Go” she took over. Typical woman. Knows best about everything. Despite what I have said previously, I had really listened to Monty even though I’d pretend not to. There are a few things he said I’m still not sure about, like that water is great fun, but so much makes sense now I’m older. But he didn’t have to live with a GIRL, a bitch to be technically correct. I miss the brotherly chats with Monty. He was a font of knowledge. She just doesn’t share. She just yaps that, “It’s different for girls.” What does that mean?

The first thing was the toilet. She doesn’t lift a leg in the chummy fashion dogs do. She squats, on the bed, the spare bed or the couch. Whichever gives best drainage for her uses. I know I took a while to get the message about peeing in the house but this is just ridiculous. I have tried to be a good big brother but she just ignores me. I think she thinks I’m a bit slow.

Mirren took over the couch corner. She is exactly like Monty in the way she lounges. She has taken over the studio couch. She would take over the bed if she could. She pretends she likes getting her coat brushed. She does that whole nose in the crotch thing Monty used to do. She sucks up to EVERYBODY. There are times I just ignore her. I feel as if bits of Monty have returned but in female form. She is such a drama queen. If people pay attention to me she gets annoyed. She wants all the attention and she gets so temperamental if she doesn’t get it. Ewen tells me this is typical female behaviour but I just don’t understand. No matter what I do it is just never good enough for her. I even made the supreme sacrifice and had the snip. Did she thank me? Not a woof, not a sniff, not a whimper. Just raised her nose like a duchess and wandered off.

The holidays in Yorkshire and the Cotwolds were the perfect example of a bitch with her knickers in a twist. People thought I was particularly outstanding and wanted pictures taken with me. Personally, I feel I am entitled to privacy. I have never courted fame. I have never had my phone hacked. I don’t like being touched by fans. I like to pick my friends, preferably once I get to know them better. Mirren, on the other hand, would be happy to pose with anyone. She definitely has dreams of a doggie “Hello” spread. In her dreams!!

I try to be a gentleman and live up to the ideals of “Good Dog” behaviour handed down by Monty. Recently she’s been really odd. She follows Ewen every -where, she’s not eating and leaves her food. This is very difficult for me because I’m not allowed to eat it (wheat) but it’s THERE. She can be grumpy and keeps chewing parts of me. She wants Pam and Ewen to stroke her all the time. She’s not allowed to run about with me, Ewen keeps her on her lead. She’s just been odd. However, the other day I had had enough and felt it was time to assert myself. She would not be quiet. All I wanted to do was have a walk, sniff the messages left by other doggie travellers, and cock a leg over some heather. Mirren was in my face all the time. In the end I lifted a paw and gave her a gentle tap on the cheek. Well that went down well! I have a distinct feeling she may have something in store for me!! Thank goodness she’ll only get this much of a bite on the bum, once in while. I just don’t understand. And thinking back, Monty wasn’t much help on this subject. No clues or direction at all. I must look back on our Blog in case I’ve missed something. Maybe I should let Mirren see it. I don’t know if she can understand it yet but I’m sure she’d realise that all dogs have to settle down, become part of the pack, get on with each other, stop peeing in the house and make the “Two Legs” do what we want………within reason.