I realised something was wrong with Monty when he started to pee blood. I did think he smelt differently too. He could still run away from me but not as fast. Ewen was awfully sad and Pam kept whimpering that it was so unfair so soon after Morgan. We went to the beach one day. It was snowing heavily. We ran about on the sand and Monty ran about in the sea. I was still not sure of it and he tried to get me to go in. He told me a lot that day. We ran on the beach and chased each other over the golf course. Then we ate raw venison. Pam thought this would be good for Monty and that he was, after all, mostly Deerhound. I wasn’t that taken with it. Too gamey. Better cooked. We even had our picture taken in the dunes, both of us wearing our coats. He died a week later.
I miss Monty, even though he ignored me most of the time. Life became a lot quieter. I had the couch to myself for a while: and the studio couch: and the bed. Bliss. Then one day my life changed dramatically. Mirren arrived. Now I totally understand why Monty was so pissed off when I arrived. He was no longer in complete dog control.
From the word, “Go” she took over. Typical woman. Knows best about everything. Despite what I have said previously, I had really listened to Monty even though I’d pretend not to. There are a few things he said I’m still not sure about, like that water is great fun, but so much makes sense now I’m older. But he didn’t have to live with a GIRL, a bitch to be technically correct. I miss the brotherly chats with Monty. He was a font of knowledge. She just doesn’t share. She just yaps that, “It’s different for girls.” What does that mean?
The first thing was the toilet. She doesn’t lift a leg in the chummy fashion dogs do. She squats, on the bed, the spare bed or the couch. Whichever gives best drainage for her uses. I know I took a while to get the message about peeing in the house but this is just ridiculous. I have tried to be a good big brother but she just ignores me. I think she thinks I’m a bit slow.
Mirren took over the couch corner. She is exactly like Monty in the way she lounges. She has taken over the studio couch. She would take over the bed if she could. She pretends she likes getting her coat brushed. She does that whole nose in the crotch thing Monty used to do. She sucks up to EVERYBODY. There are times I just ignore her. I feel as if bits of Monty have returned but in female form. She is such a drama queen. If people pay attention to me she gets annoyed. She wants all the attention and she gets so temperamental if she doesn’t get it. Ewen tells me this is typical female behaviour but I just don’t understand. No matter what I do it is just never good enough for her. I even made the supreme sacrifice and had the snip. Did she thank me? Not a woof, not a sniff, not a whimper. Just raised her nose like a duchess and wandered off.
The holidays in Yorkshire and the Cotwolds were the perfect example of a bitch with her knickers in a twist. People thought I was particularly outstanding and wanted pictures taken with me. Personally, I feel I am entitled to privacy. I have never courted fame. I have never had my phone hacked. I don’t like being touched by fans. I like to pick my friends, preferably once I get to know them better. Mirren, on the other hand, would be happy to pose with anyone. She definitely has dreams of a doggie “Hello” spread. In her dreams!!
I try to be a gentleman and live up to the ideals of “Good Dog” behaviour handed down by Monty. Recently she’s been really odd. She follows Ewen every -where, she’s not eating and leaves her food. This is very difficult for me because I’m not allowed to eat it (wheat) but it’s THERE. She can be grumpy and keeps chewing parts of me. She wants Pam and Ewen to stroke her all the time. She’s not allowed to run about with me, Ewen keeps her on her lead. She’s just been odd. However, the other day I had had enough and felt it was time to assert myself. She would not be quiet. All I wanted to do was have a walk, sniff the messages left by other doggie travellers, and cock a leg over some heather. Mirren was in my face all the time. In the end I lifted a paw and gave her a gentle tap on the cheek. Well that went down well! I have a distinct feeling she may have something in store for me!! Thank goodness she’ll only get this much of a bite on the bum, once in while. I just don’t understand. And thinking back, Monty wasn’t much help on this subject. No clues or direction at all. I must look back on our Blog in case I’ve missed something. Maybe I should let Mirren see it. I don’t know if she can understand it yet but I’m sure she’d realise that all dogs have to settle down, become part of the pack, get on with each other, stop peeing in the house and make the “Two Legs” do what we want………within reason.
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