My name is Mirren and I was born in October 2010, in Ayr. My Mum was called Tilly and I had seven litter-mates. All was well, untilJanuary 16th 2011. Some of my brothers and sisters had already left. 
Two people came with a very large, cream dog. He wasn’t in the least interested in me. He was, on the other hand, very interested in my Mum.She wanted nothing to do with him and kept running away. I have a feeling she had enough of men and puppies. Anyway, these were my new owners, Pam and Ewen. I had to go with them now. I was very proud of myself. I sat on Pam’s lap the whole way to my new home. I wasn’t sick and I loved looking out the window. I really wanted to wave a paw at people as we passed by but I don’t think anyone would have seen me I was so little.
I had a new bed and lots of people came to see me that first night. I also found out Ewen had a studio. Now this is a place where people get their pictures taken. It was on that first night I discovered I have a talent for posing. I saw some red velvet and just posed. Pam draped me in a fetching ruby and diamond collar. I looked fabulous.
It was downhill all the way from here for the next few weeks. No one told me I had to go outside to the loo. I would go outside and play with Magnus (the Big guy’s name) and then come in and wee in my favourite places in the kitchen. My absolute favourite place to pee would be on a bed. There’s something really plush about the softness of a downie on your undercarriage. It has the added advantage of soaking up all the wet. Great. Unfortunately, no one else saw things from my point of view. I continued with this practice for several months in the hope I could convert them. But, no, it wasn’t to be.
And now to the Big Guy.
Magnus is a wolfhound. He is HUGE. Now most dogs would be worried by his size but I quickly realised he’s a total Woose. He is scared of everything. People, the Hoover, new toys, things!! As a young girl I knew I was on a winner with the bossing thing. I can do anything with him. I can wrap him round my fore claw and he won’t raise a paw in protest. He loves it when I chew his lip or his ear and only gets grumpy when he’s asleep or when I give him a good nipping. I am a Deerhound and should be quiet by I have also discovered the power of barking. I regularly give Magnus a good woofing. He pretends to ignore me but I know I get through eventually. Men need to know their place in this world. Don’t tell him but I do love him to bits. He is my big protector. He lets me cuddle in when I’m tired and he always lets me have the best toys. He tries to catch me when we play but he hasn’t a chance. I am a lot lighter and much faster than Big Boy.
High Bentham
I have discovered holidays. We go in the mobile kennel and Ewen drives us somewhere with new smells. This was my first holiday and I was very good. I didn’t pee in the house and only had a little chew at the sofa. Actually, I was too tired to do much. We found this amazing walk in a place called Ingleborough. Magnus NEARLY went in the water. He’s not one for getting his feet wet. I went into my first pub. Of course Magnus pretended he’d been doing this all his life. He just chilled out on the floor, had a drink or scrounged ice cubes. For some reason or other Wonder Dog seems to get all the attention. I’m sure if people actually looked closer they would see how much better looking I am. It’s his size that does it. People can’t get past his big paws, his big eyes, his big face. Women, of the two-legged variety, want to have hair his colour. Personally I can’t see why. Pam is very close to him in hair colour. I am dark, curly, grey. If Ewen had more hair he might me more like me. I frequently check myself out in the mirror and I think I am very attractive but he keeps getting the attention, Magnus that is, not Ewen. I even watch Pam putting on her make up in the morning to see if I can beautify myself too. I usually try not to laugh and sometimes I have to get off the bed and leave. Bless, she tries her best.
Cotswolds.
Okay this is really ridiculous. We are on another holiday. This time to the Cotswolds. Great walks and a fabulous, very dog friendly, pub. We visited Stow-on-the –Wold, Bibury, Stratford-on-Avon ( Why are so many English towns hyphenated?) At all of these places Magnus stopped traffic. People wanted their picture taken with him. I was MORTIFIED. Here I am, a good-looking bit of stuff and EVERYONE wants Magnus’s picture. Fantastic. What can a girlie do? Generally I just sat down and tried to look as if I was above all this paparazzi stuff. Got my own back in Bourton-on the-Water (see what I mean?) A car did a U turn and stopped in a wee ford. A woman jumped out and shrieked about how beautiful I was. Okay she had a dog that looked a lot like me but smaller. Obviously not a full pedigree Deerhound, but close. I felt I had one back then. Of course, Magnus had to go one better and the next day he caused an accident. Some woman was walking backwards, wittering on about how he was magnificent and that she had to look at him again, then she fell off the pavement and did her ankle in and hurt her elbow. I could not show any sympathy for her or for Magnus’s embarrassment. We also met Pam’s sister. Linda looks more like me. Tall, dark, elegant. Obvious taste. Pity In couldn’t get more time with her. She’d buy me a diamond collar.
February
I am no longer a puppy. Just had my first season. Pam put pants on me but I took them off very quickly. I am NOT going out looking like that. It was all very easy. Pam kept asking me if I needed a hot water bottle and did I feel weepy or bad tempered. Did feel in need of a lot of affection but that was about it. Even Magnus was nice to me. That was until the other day. I decided to give him a good woofing when were out on a walk and try to get him to chase me. He wouldn’t do what I wanted him to do so I kept yapping away. All of a sudden he lifted his paw, his BIG, HUGE paw and decked me one across the chops. I was barkless. Stunned. Didn’t know what to do. I quickly checked that no one had seen the event (only EWEN) and really woofed at him again. He can’t get away with behaviour like that. No one paw slaps Mirren without trouble! Ignored him for the rest of the walk. He’s not getting away with that. I’d bite him on his tender bits but he hasn’t any. Ah ha. He’s been done. No balls!! Serves him right.
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